Friday, November 26, 2010

Week of Depression

Yesterday.. Ummi told me.. "Kak, awak jangan tension2, banyakkan sabar time pregnant ni"

How I wish.. But I've to admit that I'm just a very normal ordinary person.. completed with all type of feeling & emos..

Setiap kali lepas solat, selalu berdoa supaya jiwa ni tenang & sabar.. Apa-apa dugaan yang datang boleh handle dengan smiley face ;-) Susahnya..

Orang cakap sarcastic sikit, terus jiwa ni rasa macam nak reply harshly sambil ungkit hal-hal terpendam.. Yelah, from the beginning pun kita dah pendam macam-macam.. I've been tolerate dengan macam2 situation, suddenly cakap macam kita ni tak ada value langsung..

What if, someone that you thought is the best person in your family.. is actually the last person that you can rely on? Too rigid and calculative, although ada satu nyawa yang masih hijau sedang menanggung kesakitan.. Too that extend, hati ni sampai doa biar sakit tu beralih pada this fella.. MasyaAllah.. ampunkan dosaku Ya Allah..

Seeing someone that you really2 loved being 'sabotaged' by her owned family member.. Tak cukup disabotaj.. dipergunakan.. diperlekehkan.. disia-siakan.. And forgive me, I couldn't be nice and treat these fellas like before..

Hopefully it will be the last thing that get me stucked in asshole.. But the other thing is, someone that you already knew that you can't rely on, the reason why you have to work and struggling like a remaining dog in a desert.. is doing nothing other than smashing a glass into your head! 

I knew, itu semua dugaan dari Allah swt.. My mom told me before "Mudah je Allah nak angkat darjat seorang perempuan tu, bagi dia dugaan demi dugaan. Sebab tu kita kena banyak dekat kan diri dengan Allah swt".. Allahu Akbar.. sabarlah wahai hati..

Now 6.09.. solat asar dulu.. semoga Allah berikan petunjuk & hidayah buat hamba yang sungguh lemah ini..


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